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Spring break is just a couple of days away and I can not wait!! I am so looking forward to some time off and hopefully some good weather. It, the weather, has been great this week. I believe I even got a little sunburn today!

I'm headed to visit my oldest friend. I have known her since before I could talk and walk. We have always had an on again, off again relationship. However, I have always known I could turn to her if I needed anything. Even if we hadn't spoken in years, I knew I could call on her and she'd be there for me. We've been "on" for the last three or so years and I doubt we'll ever be "off" again. This is what I love about getting old...er - older! Things that I might've allowed to come between me and friends or potential friends, well, I just do not let them exist.

People make mistakes. No one is perfect. I really believe the majority of people in my life are trying to live the best life they can. I never say never because I've learned first hand a person has no idea how they will react to or in any situation.

I have had a great couple of weeks. I am becoming aware of so many wonderful blessings in my life. I've always been blessed, but I've begun to see how things that I thought were curses were actually "blessings in the work."

I've been doing a Beth Moore bible study. I finished up last week, but the blessings from the study continue to come in every day! Whether you believe in God or not, you can not deny that there is a higher power at work in this world. If it's not God, then what is it?

Last week I met with a dear friend for about an hour. We sat in my car and talked or rather I talked and she listened. Through that I have been able to open my eyes and my heart to... everything and everyone. It's great! I have been productive and not even minded the effort it took (!), my relationships are growing and positive, I went back to the gym and I've even lost a few pounds! Life is good, but I know it takes effort and I'm willing to put forth that effort. I'm willing to take chances, knowing I may fail or get hurt. I've found that admitting the truth, no matter what it is, is cleansing too. I know that if I ask God to guide me then trust Him everything will be as it should and I will survive whatever comes along.

I know, it's been a long time. I am terrible about letting life and exhaustion keep me from writing!

I've been soooo busy, really! I am rarely home before 8:30 p.m., if at all. I go to work, go to a friend's house, get home, go to bed and start all over again. Sometimes I spend the night away from home... yep, that's all I'm saying about that! It has been great and has the potential to continue for a long time. The thing is, well, do I want it to continue?

I obviously have someone new in my life. He is great! We have so much in common. We've been going out a little over a month and it's been so much fun. We like the same activities, he is very social, we laugh together and at each other. Better than all that is the fact that I can talk to him about anything. I can tell him anything, ask him anything, be myself completely. I have never, ever been more myself than I am with him.

I am happy and having fun. I will do my best to "blog" and keep you all informed!

Well, it's late and I should be asleep.

I can feel myself getting lazy in... life. I've not been to church in a couple of weeks. I am not working out like I have been for the last 2 years. I've gained a few pounds. I've had more carbonated drinks lately. I am working, but as little as possible. I am finding excuses for not doing things I was so adamant about over the last two years or so.

I am happy though! I have wonderful friends and family. I have a good job and good health, other than the extra pounds! I have someone I believe truly cares for me. So, what's with the laziness???

This is where things could really go south! I, we, all get in slumps like this. The ticket is to not get stuck in the slump. I can not take things for granted. I can not put off until tomorrow what I must do today! I have to march on! I will march on and with gusto!

Tomorrow morning I will get up, workout, and go through the day making conscience decisions to be upbeat and make the most of the day! I'll let you know how it goes.

Last summer I had an epiphany and it was awesome! I knew exactly what I was supposed to do and was thrilled with it. I did it and cried tears of joy and relief. My life has been much easier since then.

Today I had another epiphany. Again I cried, but not tears of joy. These tears were from frustration, sadness, and weariness. Both epiphanies were about the same situation. I can not do anything to change the situation. All I can do is accept it and trust God to take me through it.

However, the human part of me wants to understand how I can have two completely different feelings, relief leading to happiness vs. sadness, about one situation.

I think today's epiphany came about because I was/am trying to figure out my feelings for someone. I've been spending time with a really great man. I've mentioned him. Lately, I've found myself thinking I might want to say, "love you" to him. We'll be laughing about something or just talking about whatever, and I am flooded with feelings of love. As we part at night, I want to say "love you." Do you know what I'm saying?

It's made me think about whether or not I am in love. Thinking about this led me to the epiphany today.

I am not sure where my heart is, but I do know where my head is. It's important to me to be honest with myself and those in my life. As I've often said, I know I have to give the whole thing to God and then trust Him to take care of things.

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

How do you know when you've met the right person for you? The person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I thought I'd found that person about 30 years ago. Turns out I hadn't.

I've met someone and been going out with him for about a month. He's so much fun. I am so comfortable with him. I am more myself with him than I was with my ex-husband. I mean, I feel at home when I'm at his home. I don't feel like I have to prove anything to him, ever. We laugh, we joke, we act goofy, we talk about real things. I have met his friends and am so comfortable with them. We have chemistry. We fit. But...

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling in love. Sometimes I don't. All the time I smile when thinking of him. He smells so good!!

I wonder if I'm not afraid of being hurt. I wonder if I'm not selfish. I wonder if I'm not cutting my nose off to spite my face. I wonder if our relationship isn't moving too fast. He asked me not too long ago if I believed in love at first sight. I wonder...

Trust in God and yourself! If you have a relationship with God and are continuously working on building that relationship and working on yourself, then trust Him and you. So many times people believe they know what's best for you. Most of the time friends or family members have your best interest at heart and are truly trying to help, but no one knows you or your heart like you do!

There are people in my life right now that believe I am unhappy or not doing what I really want to do. I respect and appreciate their concern and encouragement. However, at this point in my life I am confidant in myself and where I'm headed. No, I do not have all the answers, but I'm confidant in my ability to figure it all out!

Trust God and yourself. Continue to ask Him for guidance and strength.

Ok, I know, it's been too long! I am bad about journaling, etc. As for this blog, I don't think anyone reads it, so I use that as my excuse when I realize I haven't "blogged" in a while. Sometimes, a lot of times, I truly forget about it. That doesn't mean it's not important to me, but I allow life to get in the way. I have done that a lot in my life!

Speaking of life, mine has changed since Christmas. I was rereading my last two posts and thinking about how much things have changed. God truly does have a plan for all of us and when we trust Him all turns out as it should.

A year ago at this time I was newly divorced. Needless to say last holiday season was bittersweet for me. Well, this holiday season was also bittersweet, but again, with God's guidance, I've persevered. I've said this so many times, but it can never be said enough:

I have the BEST friends and family in the world!

I have reconnected with old friends, steady friendships have grown and developed, and I have new friends. Every single person in my life is here for a reason and God has placed them all here. My family, children, siblings, mother, nieces and nephews all play a part in my life. I am complete with them all sharing my life.

I promise to be more consistent with blogging. I just hope whatever I write will be inspirational to someone in some way. If nothing else, I know it will be for me!

Merry Christmas! I just returned from midnight Mass that actually ended at midnight! That's ok though. It was beautiful and peaceful.

Tonight was the first Christmas in 28 years that I was not with anyone in my family. I've been slightly on edge this week and I'm sure that it is because I knew I would be without family.

I wasn't alone though. I had a friend come over, cook steak for me and spend the evening with me. He even went to Mass with me! The first time in his 50 years he's ever been to a Mass.

God was/is good to me. DUH! He didn't allow me or my friend to be alone tonight. Even if we had been physically alone, we would have had God with us. We are never alone, ever! What an awesome realization! Sometimes I "realize" this more than other times.

I am blessed!

Christmas is almost here! I'm ready and excited. It'll be a new and improved (?) Christmas this year. It'll be different in that I am no longer married and one of my children is now married. Wow, one short year and so much is different!

I have slowly been reconnecting with a person who was once my best friend. We had a falling out a couple of years ago. After spending some part of every day together we went to nothing. In the last couple of months though, we've been getting closer. It's nice. God has changed so much in my life in the last couple of years. This is just one more thing. It's amazing how He has a plan and that plan always works out for the best!

The last couple of days have been good. I've had some fun, gotten some things done, and relaxed too. This time of year is hard for lots of people and I thought it would be harder for me than it's been to this point. So far, so good. Again, I attribute the good to my wonderful friends and God. They have both taken care of me. I know I can rely on all of them.

I have found myself with a couple of opportunities to praise God and share Him with people close to me. Every time I do share my experiences with God, I feel wonderful all over again! I feel His power and glory every time I talk to some one else about Him.

I am blessed!

I've done it again. I've waited a long time between posts. I don't know that anyone is reading these anyway, so it probably doesn't matter. I treat it more like a journal than a public blog.

Why do women fight with each other? Why is it so hard for people to see or more to the point, admit their own faults?

Two of my friends are fussing with each other. Instead of talking it out, they are coming to me in the pretense of venting and talking to me about the situation. I say "the pretense of venting" because I'm pretty sure they're wanting their point of view to be validated by me! I get it!

I've told them both they need to sit down and hash it out. One of them claims she's tried that and the other won't do it. Well, the "other" has plans to go and hash it out! I can't wait to see how this goes!

The "one" talks about how the "other" has an attitude. In actuality, the "one" is pissed because the "other" will not do what the "one" wants her to! It's really funny cause they both have an attitude! The "other" at least knows this and knows it is a real problem for her, specifically.

The whole thing in a nut shell is they are both strong minded, women who want to be right all the time. They've met themselves in the other one and are getting a taste of what everyone else in their lives has had to deal with!!

Oh my! It's been a long time since I posted. I'm not sure what I've been doing, but I'm sure it was important!!

Not much has happened in my life since my last post. Well, nothing too different. Just like style recycles, events in life recycle too. The same things happen over and over again, but the names of those involved change!

Why do men put such a high premium on money and providing? I am thankful that it's important to them, but they take it to the extreme. If they make enough money to provide, then a woman is likely to hear she's not thankful or takes it and him for granted. If they don't make enough (in their eyes) to provide, then they, men, are willing to sacrifice a relationship because they don't feel adequate. When it comes to this issue, I can't seem to win.

Women are just as nuts too, but not about money. We can be so hard on one another. I have a wonderful friend, but she's really irritating me lately because all she wants to do is bitch about another friend. I listen, give suggestions, listen...

I can sympathize for a while, then something has to get done!! Confront the issues or shut up!

In both the man-money issue and the complaining friend issue I've been honest when confronted with them. I've told the man I'm not in the relationship because he has or does not have money. I've told the friend to confront the problem with the other friend or quit complaining. Hopefully they will both hear me. If they don't, I don't think I'll be spending too much time with either of them!

Not much happening right now. I'm listening to the rain and thunder as I write. I use to lay on a float in my pool and stare at the sky and marvel at its clarity. I would look at the trees and leaves and their vivid colors and be amazed at how perfect it all was. Now as I listen to the rain and thunder, I close my eyes and think about how this is just as clear as the blue sky. It's amazing and beautiful to think about nature and it's beauty and how it affects our lives.

This is so not me! Usually I'm too busy or too lazy to pay attention to nature. It's at times like these that I think God is trying to get me to listen for His will. In the past I would have found something else to do. Tonight I'm going to turn off the lights and listen.

This week is Thanksgiving. This is my favorite holiday. I love the Fall weather. I love the fact that it's one day and it's a relaxing day. People just get together and eat and talk and are generally happy. There are no expectations like at Christmas with the gifts and decorations.

I have wonderful childhood memories of Thanksgivings at my house with my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents...

We always played football and watched football. My aunts and uncles were so loving and I loved my cousins. The food was always good, but not the most important thing.

This year will be different for me and my children. This is the first Thanksgiving and the first holiday we'll celebrate as a family of divorce. It's also the first holiday I will include a son-in-law. It's all somewhat bittersweet. I'm a little nervous about cooking a turkey, actually a turkey breast! I've never cooked a turkey before! My mom or husband has always cooked or smoked the turkey. Should be interesting!!!

I will begin making new memories this week. At 50 years of age, I will begin making new memories...

I believe the first memory will be a happy one.

Well, it's been a while. I've been on the trip of a life time! I visited South Africa and had a great time. The country is beautiful! I was in Cape Town and then went to Kruger National Park. Both places were incredible. I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to take the trip. There were 37 of us in total, but my core group was four, including myself. I've traveled with these ladies before and this trip just reiterated how blessed I am to have these women in my life. One of the women is a life long friend, but I see her about once a year. The other two women I've seen only once before this trip, but we already have plans to meet in January and we're already planning our next big adventure!!

While I was away a lot happened in my family life. I had no idea what was going on here at home, but God took care of it all!! I know He will continue to bless me in all areas of my life.

I have had a wonderful night! I began a bible study a little over a month ago. I was down and trying to find something to fill my time. I had also been trying to find my way into a closer relationship with God. So, I asked a friend of mine who is always in some sort of bible study if she knew of one I could attend. Well of course she did. So now I'm studying The Patriarchs with Beth Moore.

I've always heard how wonderful Beth Moore's studies are, but attending a Catholic church I never had a chance to experience one. I am so blessed to have gotten this opportunity. She, Beth Moore, is wonderful. She is funny and real! She is the ultimate reality chick!

This week's lesson was on Isaac and his marriage to Rebekah. Actually it was on the beginning of their relationship. God is a romantic! This story rivals any romantic novel I've read!! We also began learning about Abraham's other son, Ishmael, and is connection to the Muslim religion. It is all so fascinating!

As I was listening and reading tonight I began to get excited and feel at peace. I have mentioned in previous blogs that I am in a transition in my life and I believe I've mentioned my transitioning relationship with God. Well, let me tell you, He is real and alive and working in my life.

I've struggled lately with what to write. I've wanted to keep things real, but I've not been comfortable writing what's been real in my heart. The reason is because God has been trying to get me to write about Him and what he's doing for me. I have been resisting this for a variety of stupid reasons! I'm not going to resist anymore. God has shown me, by hitting me in the head over and over again, that I am supposed to share my relationship with Him with you. I praise Him for continuing to hit me over the head until I finally got His message!

I'm not saying everything I write about will be God specific, but whatever I write about will be what He wants me, us, to know.

Peace is a wonderful thing!

It's Halloween and my doorbell didn't ring one time. It was probably the sign I put on the door stating I did not have candy! Is that bad of me? Honestly, Halloween irritates me. All the up and down and back and forth. I know, it sounds like I'm lazy and I guess maybe I am. But just keeping it real, it irritates me!!

I loved Halloween when my kids were in to it. I always had them dressed up and took them trick or treating. I loved it when I was a kid. I talked to a friend today whom I hung out with while growing up. We talked about how much fun we had in high school on Halloween. Some of the best costumes and most fun I had on Halloween was in college.

Now, however, I just turn my lights off and avoid the whole thing. Bah, humbug!

Ok, I'm 50 and beginning the dating scene again. You'd expect me to be rusty and unsure, right? To my amazement, I discovered that it doesn't matter your age or sex, when it comes to dating everyone is unsure!!

This weekend my son and a friend were visiting me. I love my son, but I have also come to love his friends very much! They know I will treat them like one of my own children. Anyway, this young man, (26 yr. old) received a text from a young lady he's been seeing for about 3 weeks. We had discussed this new relationship just before he received the text. We had talked about the fact that he likes her, but is unsure how to proceed in the relationship. He talked about not liking to "play the game."

So, he receives the text and laughs. He says, "Ok, this is what I mean. She just texted me. How long do I wait before answering her?" I about fell off the couch! That is exactly what I think when I receive a text from the gentleman I've been seeing!

I asked the young man why he thought he had to wait. He didn't have a definitive answer. Thinking about it in context to him, I thought the whole thing was so stupid. Wait? Why? You're sitting there with your phone right beside you. Why should anyone wait before answering a text? Do you wait to answer your phone when it rings?

The whole thing is silly and frustrating! You want to talk to someone, but then your afraid to talk to someone? What? HUH?

As I laughed out loud, I explained to him that I'd been going through the same thing. I told him to answer her, don't wait. I am not waiting anymore. If and when I get a text from a new person in my life, I'm answering without hesitation. Why do we play "the game?" It's a ridiculous game. We're all so afraid of rejection we can't enjoy the simplest of things.

I am letting the people in my life, children, family, and new people in my life that I care enough to answer their text immediately!! ;)