I wore the cutest dress to work today. I even wore wedges instead of flats with it! That's big for me! I am all about comfort and in my mind I was dressed up today!

The funny thing is that I WAS comfortable! I really was. My feet didn't hurt, I wasn't pulling anything away from or out of parts of my body!

Not only was I physically comfortable, but I was emotionally comfortable too. I was proud of the way I looked! People made several comments to me about how rested I looked, that I seemed to be in a good mood, and that the color of my dress was perfect for me.

I like the dress I wore, obviously or I wouldn't have bought it, but no matter how much I like it, if I didn't have inner confidence, strength, assurance, I wouldn't have been able to carry it off.

As I've stated before, I continue to work on these issues, but more and more I find that inner confidence, strength, and assurance. Do not give up on yourself!! I still have days of self-pity and days when I am very lonely, but I refuse to give up on myself. I try to keep busy, but I'm also finding that I can be comfortable by myself without being lonely. It's not always easy, but it is possible.

If you haven't seen the movie or read the book The Help, you need to.

"You is pretty." "You is smart." "You is important." These are words we all need to repeat to ourselves everyday!

I've been busy lately. That's no excuse, but that's why I haven't posted anything. Work has been crazy and so has my personal life.

You know I'm always talking about trusting yourself and having faith. Well, I continue to work on these two things. God continues to help me! He always answers me, thank goodness!

I have even gotten 'signs' from Him reminding me to trust Him. I'm always asking God to help me listen to Him, to hear His message for me. This weekend I found a necklace that I know He put in my path! It's a very dainty necklace with a sideways cross on it. Instead of hanging down, the cross is sideways and very small. The message on the packaging was as follows:

Whispers

the most beautiful things in the world are like whispers. they cannot be seen or touched... they must be heard by the heart. where your necklace as a reminder to listen.

I will continue to work on hearing what God intends for me.

I can actually feel God in my heart. It's amazing when I stop and listen and feel. A friend tells me all the time, "Stop and listen. He's trying to tell you what He wants!" Every single time I stop and listen I hear him. It's hard to stop, though! It's actually hard to stop long enough to hear Him!

Tonight I spent time on my couch with a wonderful person. We didn't say much at all. We didn't do anything but sit, watch some TV, and talk quietly. It was amazing. I realized I haven't been still in a long time. Better yet, my mind was still. I am still relaxed and it's been a while since I was on the couch.

My promise to myself is to spend more time being still and listening. It doesn't take much and it is so worth it.

I just made a list of things I want in and for my life moving forward from today. It was really easy! The hard part is going to be making the list a reality.
Sometimes I think I'm moving right along, doing what needs to be done to make things happen. Then I'm confronted with a situation that is directly involved with something on the list and I falter. In other words, I'm given an opportunity to accomplish or at least move a little closer to accomplishing something on the list and I hesitate or lack the courage to act. (Courage is something on my list!)
The ticket here is to acknowledge the fear and move forward anyway. I so admire people that can do that! These are the people who make millions of dollars or who are the happy, carefree people we all envy. These are the secure people in the world. Those that walk around naked, literally and figuratively, and never care or even realize they're naked!
Children are like this. They are so uninhabited, so fearless! They believe they can do anything and everything is play.
I know in reality that kind of life is not reality, but I so wish I had just a little bit of that inhabition and courage!

I spent part of today with four amazing women coming up with ideas for a webpage. I don't know three of these ladies very well, but I do know the more time I spend with them the more I want to know about them. We are all at different phases in our lives, but we, for lack of a better word, connect. I have found that each one of us offers something unique to the group. We feed off each other's creativity and work really well together.

A couple of days ago I was with a different group of women doing something totally different than today's activities. Again, each of us are at different phases in our lives, but we connect. We understand each other and support each other on a level men do not understand or relate to. I think maybe that's why we are so hard on each other.

I say all this to say this - I love my friends and I love the bond women share. I am so appreciative to the women in my life, all of you. My daughter, mother, sister, sisters-in-law, friends, acquaintances. All of you have taught me so much about life and happiness. There has been some sadness and anger too, but for the most part it is all good!

I am blessed!

There are BIG changes happening! Last year at this time my life was turned upside down. Now things are changing again and my life is topsy turvy, again. I had no control last year and I don't now either. Whew!

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," "When a door closes, a window opens," "God never gives you more than you can handle." All these sayings are upper most in my mind, BUT I feel like I am not getting stronger, there are no windows opening, and I can not handle anymore!!

I know I need to trust God and His plans for me, but I am only human! I want to know how everything will turn out. I want to move forward with my relationships and work so I can see what these changes are bringing. I'm kinda wishing my life away! I need to sit back, have faith, and trust that God's plan for me is awesome!

I have always made friends easily. They are a necessary part of my life. My oldest friend has been in my life since I was an infant. Our mothers were friends before we were even a year old. I consider this woman a part of my family. We've been separated and not talked for years at a time, but we always come back together. Right now and probably for the rest of our lives we'll be close and in touch. We've gotten to the point in our lives where we appreciate our history and accept each other completely.

There are other people in my life that I call my best friends. I'm thinking of two women specifically. I see them almost everyday and they know things about me no one else will ever know! They are loyal to a fault and I know I can count on them for absolutely anything. They can also count on me for absolutely anything. They are different from each other and from me, but we've formed a unique bond and I am blessed to be loved by them.

There is another woman I consider a best friend, but I don't see her consistently. She is so unique and so different from me. She is a little scary to me! She has more faith and spirituality then anyone I know! I have learned more from this woman about faith and trust in God and in oneself than anyone else in my life.

I have another friendship that is in the development stage! This person trust me and I have shared things with her that I haven't shared with others. We have some "life similarities" and I guess for that reason we've begun to form a bond. I like to go out with her. We tend to "kick back" and just enjoy whatever is happening around us.

Then there's my sister. She has become a true "sister friend" in the last year. I love her! It's funny to me when I think about our relationship and how it's progressed over the years. She is awesome!

I've always had guy friends too. I have several now. One is someone from my adolescents. He's just come back into my life recently. We talk at least once a week and email and text too. He's always had my back and still does today. He's the guy that always liked me and wanted to go out, but our timing was always off and still is!

Another is a guy from college. I met him when I was dating my ex-husband. We were friends because they were friends. Now we are allies! He's been so supportive through my divorce. He is also divorced and has that "been there, done that" thing.

Both of these men live in different states than me, but even if we were next door neighbors, there really would be no chance of anything happening between us. They are truly friends!

I tell you all this because without these people I would not be me. They each have contributed to who I am and who I am becoming. They each play a role in my life and teach me things I need to move forward in my life. Even though they have different places in my life and my heart, they keep me honest and truthful with myself and even the world.

Embrace the people in your life. Allow yourself to trust the role of all of your friends. Trust yourself to be a friend too. You have so much to offer the people in your life. Be loyal to those around you. Do your best not to judge; accept and learn from differences.

I could not sleep last night. I'm not a night person, but at 11:00 last night I was wide awake. At midnight I turned my light off and slept for about 2 hours before waking. I was up for almost two hours. My mind was whirling. This happens sometimes, not often, but when it does my mind is always whirling. "Too many minds," is my explanation.

I wasn't thinking of too many things last night, but rather one thing, one person. My relationship with this person is new and interesting. I've never met anyone like this person. I have learned a lot from him. (Yes, it's a man.) I think God has put him in my life to help me trust myself. He has helped me to slow down, listen, and think about things. He has no idea that he is helping me find myself! Writing this blog is helping me find myself. At 50, I am finding myself! Crazy, but cool! Trust and reality are key to that happening. Everyday I am confronted with being open with myself and others in my life and it's scary, but so worth it!