The hurt I was feeling at my last post is... gone. The self doubt is there, but diminishing. God is working on me and I am letting him. HE is taking care of me and I'm letting him.
I have admitted that the thing I have been most upset about these last several days is that I am now truly alone. No one is living in my house but me. There is no one depending on me to come home and maybe fix dinner or do laundry or get the mail or any of those things that have driven me crazy for the last 27 years. There is a small dog here, but he knows better than to depend on me!!
I've never been afraid to be by myself. I've always said I could live alone and be fine. That was easy to say when I thought that was never a true possibility. Now that it is reality it's hard to take in. Two important people in my life "left me" in the same week! That made for a very emotional week for me! I've had to admit to my fear and anger about it and acknowledge how vulnerable I am.
I turned to God and cried and prayed and then did it all again. I also turned to my amazing friends. Everyday I have felt better and stronger. Also, the two people who "left me" have been in my life pretty much about the same amount they've always been in it! The difference is that I'm not depending on them for my happiness! I plan my day with me in mind and no one else. I am taking responsibility for my happiness. I never realized how much I depended on others to make me feel fulfilled. I am responsible for myself. I put a burden on others when I depend on them, even when I don't realize that's what I'm doing, to make me happy. It's a different way of looking at things...
